[S1] Ch4: Happy home #3
After I lost consciousness, I regained consciousness now. I opened my eyes, now I can see. The first thing I saw was some… Is this sand?
No really, as I opened my eyes, it really is sands. Im standing on a sand. Many sand. I looked around, there are many many many more sands. There are so many sands. Seems like, Im on a desert. Why in a desert of all places? And why am I in a desert in the first place? … Oh right, dreams can have many shifting places.
”Hah. ” I sighed for no real reasons, I just wanted to. I sigh, whenever I want to sigh. Tch, I just had a perverted scene, I guess. Im still a guy afterall. Well, it was beautiful, and Im thankful that it was my beautiful imaginary character—Rene.
Anyways, its kinda hot in here. Like, you know? Its hot in a desert. I also don have shoes, so my feet burns. Though, I won literally say it burns, or its hot. Its just that, its hot and it feels good to be hot at the same time. Should I call it a guilty pleasure?
Yeah, right, I think Im kind of a masochist. Though, while I say that, I don like getting hurt either. I mean, I like imagining myself getting tortured, but just until that. Whenever Im bored, I do that, really. I often wish myself to have the courage to face pain, so that my imaginations will come true at least.
Well, what am I supposed to do now? Should I just let my brain do the decision? Like, its my dream so the brain will have to control my dream.
”Guess Ill just walk around, then. ” I said to myself. And as I said, I really walked around, with no shoes, barefooted. Its hot at first, but I easily got used to it. Its not painful to the feet at all, its just merely warm.
Seeing this desert makes me want to sing a song. Like, you know? A song from those countries that have sand, I mean, are living in a desert. Like, their country is on top of a desert. Well, I just simply wanted to say that I wanted to sing a song with a theme related to desert. I don know why, I just wanted to. Unfortunately, I can remember any.
”Lalalalalalalalalalalalallalalalalalalalalalala. ” I hummed, trying to remember a song. After awhile, I got sick of it. After awhile, I got bored. After a while, I got tired. After a while, I decided to sit down. I don really know what to do anymore.
Does my life even have a meaning? Has my life all been nothing but a sand? Has my mind been nothing but a sand? Am I a desert? Am I merely made of desert—Oh, I mean, Am I merely made of sand? Come to think of it, I don really remember anything that much about my real self ever since I started dreaming. All I know is that, I met a little Goddess from the school.
Anyways, I now decided to roll and roll sideways in the sand. I rolled, rolled, rolled, and rolled. Like, the same as a slide, I rolled. I feel like Im cooking myself. By rolling myself in the hot sand, Im slowly cooking my skin. ”Weeeeeeeeeee! ” It is enjoyable. Rolling is enjoyable. I finally discovered a new hobby, and that is to roll around.
Well, unfortunately, I can do the same thing over and over and over again. Like, its tiring, so I got bored instantly. It is boring. While I wondered what to do, I finally wondered—I mean, I now know what to do next.
So, doing what Im thinking, I then tried to make balls using sand. Like, snowballs. Their structure is almost the same afterall. Unfortunately, it just kept going down through the gaps of my fingers, so I can make a snowball made of sand. Well, now that I think about it, if its a snowball made of sand, then it is called a sandball. Oh wait, I think I now know why I can made some sand balls, I think I need water here.
Hah, Im wondering—is the desert still hot at night time, or is it actually cold? Damn, theres so many dust in here. Well, how long have I been here, I wonder too. This dream takes eternity. Though, I don want to wake up. Everything feels nice here. I can feel pleasure in the pain I have in my dreams, while pain in reality is really a pain.
”Hah. ” I sighed for no real reasons, I just wanted to. I sigh, whenever I want to sigh. I sat up properly this time, thinking to what to do. Seconds later, I now finally have thought about to do next. I will draw something, something meaningful.
I drew a very large line art of a star, with a human mouth in the middle.
I remember that black thing that eats everything in the space. Black hole. Black hole eats, and I want to eat too. Though, calling it a black hole kinda doesn suit my tastes. So, I drew this star, with a human mouth in the middle. This art represents my own black hole—and I call it, Star Glutonny.
”Well, it doesn really mean anything. ” I talked to myself, me, and I, alone.
I layed down in the middle of my star. I closed my eyes, everything turned black for some reason, and I can see now. I closed my eyes, now since its closed, I slept. And I really slept, since Im sleeping now.